The Atlantic Ocean is looking forward to moving into an eight-bedroom, 7,550-square-foot beachfront mansion in West Palm Beach, Florida, the online satirists at The Onion reported last week.
“For the longest time, it seemed like this place was completely out of reach for me, but I’ve come a long way in the past few years, and now it’s looking more and more like a real possibility,” the ocean said. “I’m not quite ready yet, but in a couple years or so, I can definitely see myself in there, making the place completely my own.”
The Atlantic “might make a few cosmetic changes to the mansion once it moves in, including gutting the lower floor and taking out a few walls,” The Onion adds. And its ambition isn’t limited to a single property: “The little beachside community that the house is located in is just so cute, too,” the huge body of water commented. “I can’t wait to go through and visit all the shops and restaurants.”